Allow me to introduce myself,
My name is Crystin Brewer. I live in a little beach town off of the Carolina coast. I’m married to my best friend and high school sweetheart. Together we have 2 wonderful kids.
I love spending my free time exploring, either through books, talking to new people or walking in nature and observing life. I am inspired by the deep complexities of life; not only the lives that we live but life it’s self; the life that flows through everything and everyone. I’m fascinated with the universe and reality as we know it. I often practice observing the present moment, I believe this is where we can access true wisdom. It is in this practice that I am able to connect to the great divine and higher realms.
I didn’t always have such a profound reverence for life. In fact I was once like many other people, stuck in the cycle of every day life. Pursuing all of the things we are told are important,money, success, accomplishments, appearances…But my life totally changed after my world was flipped upside down.
In 2015 I experienced the first of many heartaches that would change my life forever. It was August 16th, two days away from my 27th birthday. My sister had successfully planned a surprise party for me that evening and my friends and I were enjoying conversation on my porch. As we sat talking I remember noticing dozens of butterflies fluttering through the yard. It was an absolutely beautiful summer evening. We noticed my father in law and my husband approach the porch looking visibly upset. Puzzled, I asked what was wrong. I knew something had happened when I looked into my husband’s eyes. When he asked me to step inside with him my heart sank.
He grabbed both of my hands and faced toward me locking his gaze on mine. Much like you would posture yourself to break bad news to a child.
“Your mom overdosed……She’s gone”
With those words I felt reality as I knew it fracture. “she’s gone” would become a painful mantra that my mind would repeat every day and in every moment that I might allow myself to slip away from my misery and grief.
The loss of my mom ripped apart everything I thought I knew about myself, about God, about pain and about love. The two years that followed would bring blow after blow after blow to my already broken heart as one by one I lost nearly every person that had been a part of my life since the day I was born. I lost five family members, all sudden and unexpected, within the course of 3 years.
I was left feeling completely alone, completely confused and completely destroyed. I had no one to tell me stories of my childhood. I had no one to answer questions about who I was.no one to remind me of where I came from. I hadn’t only lost my loved ones, I had lost myself.
I call those years my dark night of the soul. In that time I was transformed from the inside out. I believe that I had to be broken. I had to feel empty so that this transformation was able to take place. Everything that I believed was shattered and that was the first step to discovering my true identity in this life. When I look back on those years now I find it absolutely astonishing that this state of inner peace and joy began with so much pain and destruction.
The lessons that I have learned throughout my life all came together into such a beautiful, messy, abstract piece of art. It’s still a work in progress and always will be, however, I’m able to truly see the process for what it is. I feel more connected to myself, the divine, and my loved ones now than ever before, but it came at a very painful price.
Through this podcast and blog, I hope to inspire your soul’s purpose to shine through. I hope to share tools that you can use to overcome the messy and often painful trials in life. I don’t claim to be all knowing or to have any magic program that will solve all of your woes. However, I can hold a safe space for us discuss the beautiful, the painful and the possible. I can create a place for us to be vulnerable together, because it is only in our vulnerability that we are able to grow freely and love deeply.
Thank you so much for joining me in this adventure called life.
Sending you lots of love!